Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
