Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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