OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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