I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
