shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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