i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
