are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
