These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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