I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
