i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
