Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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