"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
