it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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