bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
