don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
