First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
