I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
