there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he fucked my hip out of place.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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