Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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