So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
