Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
