Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
