Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
