Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
