Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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