I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
