the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
