Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
