If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
