do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
