im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
