I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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