i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
