She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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