Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i now understand why vodka
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
