Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
