i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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