did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
