I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
