tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize