Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
