who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
