My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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