have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
