Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
