I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry about my life...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
