I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
