Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
