His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
