remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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