is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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