I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
