Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
