peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
