They should really pass out barf bags in church
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
