I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
