Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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