She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
foreskin is a definite game changer
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
