She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
