I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize