So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
