So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
