Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize