I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
