If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
