im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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