she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
