u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
