I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
