hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
