And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
