she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
