...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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