If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
