I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
