i think i have two assholes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this boner is exhausting
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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